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Anchored Love Ministries
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Cor. 4:8-9
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LIFE STORIES
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not
crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck
down, but not destroyed.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen
is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 18
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A Time for Healing
By Kim Alvarez
Growing up with an alcoholic father was very difficult. We never knew when he was coming home and what time of the night we would be woken up with the yelling going on. He was always verbally abusing someone in the family, mainly my mother. There were many times that I ended up calling the police to come and intervene. One night when he tried to shoot himself, my uncle came over to fight with him to take the gun away.
There were times he would leave for days and that was actually nice. When his paycheck would come in the mail, I would sign it for my mom because this was the only way my mom could get any money for us.
I was 14 when I started going to church with my sister, and got baptized a little after that. Church was the only place that we could go that did not cost any money and we felt loved and safe. I thought everything would be better since I was going to church, but that year ended up being the worst year ever. My sister was very sick and ended up in the hospital for about a month. She had a ruptured appendix and required two surgeries at the county hospital. Since my mom spent so much time in the hospital, I spent a lot of time with my uncle and his two sons. My older sister was away at college and I think my brothers were home taking care of themselves, and who knows where my father was!
While I was at my uncle's house my cousin molested and raped me. This was the most painful and humiliating experience. I only told my good friend Annette who was my same age. She is now my sister in law. I could never tell anyone else except for my husband. For 28 years I tried to block this experience out of my mind. I never allowed myself to feel the pain or even cry about it.
I continued going to church, and I was around 19 when I started dating someone from church. He was the first person who showed me how a girl was supposed to be treated, with respect. I was 21 when I left San Antonio and moved to Georgia to become a nanny. When I left Texas I felt like my life didn’t matter, and that I would soon be forgotten. I met my husband in church, and when I was 25 we got married in Georgia. I have been married for 17 years now and have three daughters. We have always gone to church as a family.
I went to Texas this past summer to visit family. I went with my mother, three daughters, and my two nieces. Why I would drive there without my husband I do not know! I felt like I needed to go and I stayed for ten days. After arriving, I was struggling emotionally. I wanted to get in my car and go back to Georgia. We could not leave because we were there for a graduation. I realized that God took me there to show me how He wanted to heal me from that painful past. I was in touch with some people from high school and even my old boyfriend. I believe God was using these people to bring healing by showing me how much I meant to them. For so many years, I felt like no one would remember me, but God was clearly showing me different.
There was one part of my past I was not dealing with. It was not until I returned to Georgia that God showed me that he would bring healing from the rape. I was very upset and basically having an emotional explosion. I called my friend Karen and she met with me. I had never told her about my rape and we have been friends for 14 years. As soon as she prayed with me, I told God that I would forgive my cousin for what he had taken from me. After that prayer I felt much better.
The very next day I went to a soul restoration workshop. I was prayed over by Beth. She never knew me before. The prayer that God gave her for me was like if she was reading my heart for the past 28 years. That is how long I had been in bondage. I built walls to protect myself from getting hurt again. These walls robbed me from the joy and freedom that God promised me.
One thing that amazes me is that God would show me in so many ways how much he cares for me in every aspect of life. I heard this hundreds and even thousands of times, but for some reason I did not understand the immense depth of His love until last summer. I know that he has great plans for me and I am looking forward to see what he has in store for me.
I believe there are other people who have a similar story. Satan would love for me to keep my past in a deep dark secret and live with the awful memories. This is one reason why I felt it was important to share with you what GOD is doing in my life.
I have forgiven my father for the life that I lived while he was out drinking, even for not going to my high school graduation ceremony. I see my dad once a week and take him to get a haircut or buy him lunch! My dad no longer drinks because he cannot drive himself to the store to buy alcohol, and his children will not buy him any! He told me recently that he doesn’t even remember what it tastes like. I thought that was pretty funny!
I sent an e-mail to my brother about forgiving my cousin, which was the hardest thing for me to verbalize. He gave the e-mail to my cousin. I know he read it and then went back to work. I hope that he will forgive himself because it must be horrible to live with that. I know that GOD loves my cousin also.
There are a few verses that I have been concentrating on as God shows me His grace: “May he give you what your heart desires and fulfill your whole purpose. Let us shout for joy at your victory and lift the banner in the name if our GOD” (Psalms 20:4-5).
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalms 147:3). “Do not worry about anything but in everything through prayer and petition and thanksgiving; let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of GOD, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. The peace of God which surpasses every thought will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7). This simply means that every bad, horrible thing that has been in your heart, He can and will replace it with His amazing peace! This peace is what I now feel every moment of every day!!!
I pray GOD will speak to your heart today as clearly as He has spoken to me these past months. Kim ~ Georgia
His Peace Surpasses All Understanding